Sunday, April 23, 2006

Autism links

Today, some medical resources on autism.

The American Association of Pediatrics autism page. Includes some links to autism and vaccinations information.

CDC's autism page. Learn about the symptoms of autism and check out fact sheets for parents that list developmental milestones for various ages.

Maeve is still having tantrums. In public, she moans, hangs back, kicks. I have started to feel so angry with her. I have been thinking about the AUTISM. About IT. Going out to a community art day, with face-painting and balloons and the junior chamber orchestra, we see lots of kids who do normal stuff and talk to each other and sit for the face-painting and laugh at the balloons being twisted into shapes. Maeve screams at the sound of the balloon twisting. She kicks over a table of flyers. A volunteer comes over and says, "My goodness!" Pierce hurriedly picks up the flyers and the table. I hold Maeve tight and say, "I guess it's time for us to go."

I want to tell the volunteer woman that Maeve has a disability. I want to use the word AUTISTIC so that the sting will be taken out of Maeve's damage and the drama of her situation will make her exempt from responsibility. But I don't. I remember Tina in the support group saying, "Let people stare. You don't owe them anything." But I feel embarrassed. And angry with myself for being embarrassed....

...When we get home I am mad at me for thinking about the "isms"-the autism, the bipolar. Sometimes I think I should spell autism OUGHTISM, because I fill it up with so many life-filling details that I think Maeve OUGHT to do; talk, run, ride a bike, make friends.


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